PERSONAL OPINION IS THAT YOU CANNOT, BUT CAN REDUCE THE ADVERSE IMPACT ON YOU (1 Cor. 2:11….. for who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the spirit of the man that is in him………)
HAVE VALUE FOR YOURSELF
Healthy relationship stems from having value for yourself. And the value for yourself stems from having a good self-concept. How healthy a relationship becomes is to the extent to which the people involve value themselves. You don’t get married to affirm your value, it is something you come to the relationship with. In essence, relationship/ marriage does not define or give you self-worth, it is something you know you have and must come with into the relationship. The fact that Christ gave his life for you, indicates how valuable you are.
MARRIAGE IS NOT A TICKET TO HEAVEN
Nowhere in the scripture did it say relationship/marriage is a pre-requisite for making heaven. As a matter of fact, the bible does discouraged us from marrying, 1Corinth 7:32-36. Apostle Paul in this passage noted that there are so many things you can do for the kingdom once your attention is not divided but solely on the Lord. So you don’t have to marry to access the kingdom of God. Why is this important? It is because most believers feel that the solution to their loneliness is marriage. And most are under the misconstrue idea that marriage is a ticket to know or access the kingdom. It is not.
Hence, relationship/ marriage is not something you step into without careful and prayerful consideration. Kingdom relationship must be in alignment with the laid down rules of God and the willingness of both parties to live and be guided by the same. This is what apostle Paul meant when he said ……… I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. (Gal. 2:20). All part of value and knowing your worth.
AVOID UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
The second thing to note, is that a healthy relationship or to minimize heartbreak impact, one must avoid unrealistic expectations. It is imperative to know where to draw the line with respect to expectation in any given relationship. Most marriages are destroyed for too much unrealistic expectations and demands on each other. Let’s say for instance, before both of you got into a relationship/married, the man was always calling and messaging to check on you, this may not necessarily be the case at all times or after marriage. Why? Because there would be other things or projects he would want to acquire that are now in his mind. This is because of the way the male-man is wired by God. He thinks in terms of project because he is a logical being. So, keeping unrealistic expectations is a sure recipe for disastrous relationship. Also note that the man was created first to tend the garden before the woman came to help out. So for a man who is wired in God’s way, tending the garden occupies a very strategic place in his life. This is not to say the woman is not important but an understanding of this will reduce friction.
As to the man, sitting down and doing nothing is an abnormal arrangement in God’s agenda, the way you can ensure the woman God is bringing to you would be cared for is in how you tend your garden(work or job)
IF YOU CANNOT TEND THE GARDEN YOU CANNOT TEND THE WOMAN. The first responsibility is work. This is one of the key instructions God gave the man before woman was introduced into his life. The word “tend” means to bring out the best in everything around you, (Gen. 2:15). God was telling Adam “bring out the best of all things around you”. And this also includes the woman. A true man should cultivate and bring out the best in his wife. An ability of helping your wife overcome those areas of weaknesses you noticed in her until she eventually becomes the ideal person in your head. The husband should be so secure in himself and not be intimidated by his wife’s gifts, that he help her to develop same to impact lives.
USE YOUR HEAD AND HEART
Use both your head and heart when going into relationship. Do not be blindfolded with this thing called “love” which in most cases have been misconstrued. The head speaks to thorough knowledge of the person while the heart speaks to emotion which of course must be carefully and prayerfully considered. This is important because no two relationship are alike, so knowledge is key. The place of knowledge can never be over emphasized in relationship. A successful relationship is often traceable to the level of knowledge that each person knows about the other. This is why Solomon advised in proverbs 18:15, the need to seek knowledge. It is possible to be spiritually inclined and yet without knowledge and make a wreck of your relationship/ marriage, (Hosea 4:6)
Evaluate decisions why? Because you don’t leave with decision, you leave with actions. People often suffer the consequences of their mistakes before they suddenly start thinking or realizing the decisions that led them there. This in most cases, is as a result of passion at first sight. It is important to analyze and evaluate your decision before entering into any serious engagement. Why is this important, because you don’t leave your with decisions, you leave with the fallout consequence of your decisions.in essence, decisions happens very quick but the consequences from those decisions will stay with you for a very long time. This is why it is imperative to constantly analyze your decisions before you take even in the matters of relationship. The Bible says it is folly and shameful to give answer before you hear, (Proverbs 18:13).
KNOWLEDGE OF WHEN TO ATTACH
Know when to Attach:. You don’t get attached to someone you are meeting for the first time. It is not advisable to be emotionally attached to the person the first time. This is because most heart breaks are as a result of the individual not being able to draw the line of intimacy. There are three levels of connectivity in a kingdom progressive relationship. These are; the spirit, the soul, and body level. Most relationship starts at body level when in actual sense the body engagement should be the last of all the levels. So, knowing when to start getting physically attached is critical to a healthy relationship as early physical attachment often leads to heartbreak when other criterias are not met.
Build on your common interest, common interest are bonding and dispute resolutions techniques and this can be achieved when you take a journey to self-discovery for both yourself and your partner. If you don’t know what you want and how can anyone satisfy or make you happy, therefore take charge of your happiness by discovery who you are, what you like and dislike so you can effectively communicate same to your partner.
In discovering your partner, it is essential to not ignore their values and ensuring they align with yours, else you both will definitely run into murky waters and difficult times.
The man especially should make his vision/mission crystal clear without ambiguity and that brings me to the point of communication.
TALKING ABOUT IT
Communication is the fluid that determines the healthiness of your relationship, YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS AS HEALTHY AS YOUR COMMUNICATION HABIT.
Lack of effective communication can lead to secrecy and misunderstanding. For you to communicate well, you also need to understand the love language of your partner else you both can sincerely be wrong. Join us for the concluding part this Sunday by 9am.