Avoiding Heart-break 💔 In Relationships—Pastor Edward Okoh

 continued from; https://kubwaexpress.com/2022/02/14/avoiding-heartbreak-in-relationship-pastor-john-edward-okoh/

■ But what is the biblical age requirement?

○ prio to and right after abraham’s era, people got married in between the ages of 30 to 50 years and lived to 600 to over 900 years before they die. Isaac for instance, married Rebecca at the age of 40, Gen 25:19-34. Some Archeology speculated that Joseph was around 40-90 years old when he married. I was 32 when I courted my wife. And we dated for over two years. And I knew exactly that the relationship was serious not a joke.

○ So, a person readiness to date is largely a matter of maturity and environment. Maturity speaks to the individual ability and environment speaks to the culture, customs, laws, rules etc.   Part of this maturity is knowledge and comprehension of the individual.

👉🏽 The word “dating” comes from the acts of setting a date. Where two or more people agreed to get together in a certain time and place for recreation and fellowship purpose. Dating or courting is an important vehicle in our culture that allows men and women the opportunity of knowing each other in a socially acceptable and responsible manner.

○ Aside from customs and cultural requirements, he/she has to be mentally developed, able to make sound judgement, in order to be ready for dating or courting. This is one of the dangers of coercing a minor into marriage. Lack of sound judgement, ability to process what marriage is all about?

● So, before you make up your mind to date or court anyone, Here are the Pre-requisites (pricinples) for Dating Readiness for all singles: they speak to how set, prepare or ready you should be.

1. You are not ready to date until you are fully aware of both the benefits and the danger of dating: you have to consider the pros and cons of dating. Do not be carried away by the perks of dating but also understand that there are pitfalls of dating. Not until this is done,  you are not mature enough for serious relationship. The pitfalls represent temptations during counting, sex before marriage, etc. Why is this important? Beacuse humans  are social beings. Designed to relate with each other at three levels. Every kingdom relationship is meant to begin in the following order:

🔺 Spirit: all kingdom relationship should begin at the spirit level. This speaks to the persons Belief, faith, love for God, willingness to grow spiritually, willingness to submit to the laws of God guiding kingdom relationship? Willingness to submit to spiritual authority? etc. the joining of a relationship actually starts here – spirit level. Even though with this quality thing could still go wrong, it is better to take a chance with someone with this quality than one who doesn’t have it. Why? Because Having the spirit of God in you keeps me safe around you.

🔺 Soul: this is intellectual engagement. It speaks to vision, purpose, dream, motivations,  essence etc. what is the guy’s vision and prospects for life? Is the lady ready to submit to this vision? Is there disagreement? Make sure you resolve it before taking any step further. You need someone who is willing to embrace growth and pliable to change in marriage not a liability.

🔺 physical: this is the last of all the dimensions. You engage this, when you are fully sure that you have addressed the first two dimensions spirit and soulical dimensions. No kingdom relationship should begin from the physical dimension. The kingdom kingdom principles that guides the manifestation of this dimension is only in marriage. Not before or after after marriage.

○ From research, most dating that started on the physical dimension often ends up with hearts shattered and broken relationship. Because, once you cheapen yourself before the marriage proper you would have nothing against to treasure and the illicit act leaves you both suspicious of each other. The guy starts becoming possessive and lady suspicious of the guy. This is why Paul said marriage is honorable when the bed is undefined… Hebrews 13:4.

○ it is however sad to say that this is where 95% of relationships begins, even those ones organised in church, this is the drive of the western culture. This is one endangering aspect of the western culture to Africa culture, where value for the sanctity of marriage has been compromise.

👉🏽 Therefore, at the top of the list of potential dating pitfalls, is the danger of becoming physically and emotionally involved too quickly, thus, leading to inappropriate behavior, shartered hearts and broken relationship because the individual failed to address issues of spirit and soulical dimensions.

So, Jesus warns in…

》》Luke 14:28 “Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it.

▪ Hence, Before you start dating someone, ask yourself, “Am I aware of the benefits as well as the dangers of dating this person?”

2. The second prerequisite for dating readiness is a good understanding of God’s standards for relationships: You need to learn and willingness to abide by God’s  guidelines for dating or courting. This is why i say that prayer doesn’t cancel ignorance in relationships. It is knowing God’s will and willingness to obey the same that destroy ignorance in relationships.

Example of these standards are:

▪ Love, (agape) 1st Corinth 13.

▪ Patience,

▪ Sacrifice: I use to hear that if a marriage can survive the first 5years that such marriage will hardly break. But this no longer true today.

▪️ Commitment

▪ submissions

▪ able to provide for “the would be family” (the man)

▪ God’s presence.

▪ The man had God’s word before the woman (teach your family)

● Waiting until you are in a dating to decide what is right or wrong will be too late. There are only two choices: either you will follow God’s standards by deliberate choice, or you will follow the world’s standards by default. Unless you plan ahead to keep yourself pure on a date, you probably won’t. This you can do when you don’t begin your engagement in the physical realm but in the spirit and soulish realm.

3. The third principle for preparing to date is, Once you have determined from Scripture what God’s standards are, resolve in your spirit that you will not lower or compromise those standards for any reason, even if it means losing date: Many people are willing to compromise moral or godly standards in order to get a date or to hold onto a boyfriend or girlfriend.

🔸 Relationship should draw you close God not to sin. Dont compromise to keep any relationship. God is far more important than what any relation will give you.  A broken date is better than a broken marriage.

In conclusion:

To compromise is immature behavior and will cause a lot of problems down the line. Standing firm on the word of God is a sign of both spiritual and emotional maturity. There are no second-class areas of life to God. He is after your best. He wants you to obey Him, follow His Word, and stand firmly on His standards. Anything else is less and you cannot expect to receive His best. Close attention to these three principles will help ensure that dating is a healthy and fulfilling experience both for you and for the persons you date.