Shekarau Speaks To Unity…(i)

Between the hours of consciousness and alcohol induced delusion, I saw her before me; elegant, cheerful and glowing and the following transpired…

Madam Chair, I hail you.

Confired trouble maker (CTM), have you come to disturb me? How is Kubwaexpress and fuel scarcity?

Madam Chair, this is not 1 Samuel 28:12 situation. Water don pass garri out here. The artificial scarcity is limping to reduction, queues are getting shorter.

Why won’t it be like Saul, when they don’t listen to Bishop of The Sinners Assembly like you and read Jeremiah 27:9.

Madam Chair, I can see you have turned Bible scholar.

One cannot be in the bosom of the Lord and will not know the mind of the Lord.

Madam Chair, I am not here for Bible study. I am disturbed.

This thing that is troubling you trouble maker, must be serious trouble.

It is my friends in Unity Bar. Their erection comes up in June and everywhere is heating up again.

Mind your language. It is election. Sanctify your mouth, if you want my holy ear to hear you.

Sorry Madam Chair.

Better. But you see your igbo brothers, every time it gets to their turn, na kata kiti kata. Don’t remember I stepped down for Abdul Ibrahim(now SAN) and when God’s time came, I became Chairman without any wahala, although some interest groups wanted to frustrate it but God strong pass them.


Well, Che, don’t worry yourself, las las them go sort themselves out.


How is Ade my able Secretary?

He is fine.

How about Afam Okeke; Chidi Udekwe, Godwin Diugwu and Ajuluchukwu Eze?

They are finer than me oh!

You know you came to my office with Afam?

You mean my tall friend with a short thing?

Watch your mouth.

Sorry Ma.

I heard he is contesting? He is a good man.

Madam Chair, are you campaigning for him?

Why should I? He was good to me, carried out his responsibilities well.

Madam Chair, I am not in your branch oh!

So why are you meddling?

Sorry Ma, vex no fit you. I am only worried as a friend of your Bar, that there must be an end to this crisis

Hon. Justice Jude Okeke

Here there is no Bar. I see my Lord the Chair and we share holy communion and wonder why the elders down there have not resolved this problem. My Lord the Chair, is not happy that his igbo brothers are being fingered in every round of election crisis in Unity Bar. He wants to know what Otu Oka Iwu is doing. He told me about his tussle with Oke Ajunwa; Okey Ajunwa and Mazi Afam Osigwe; Afam Okeke and Ezenwa Anumnu and now this?
You know I dedicated myself to peace in the branch and tell them that it is my wish that they use this election to heal all wounds. 

Madam Chair, do I look like an ambulance that couriers for the dead?

This boy, make your mouth no kill you. Don’t let me call elephantiasis of the scrotum to escort you.

Sorry Ma, you were saying? I am now ready to carry your mess.

Che it is message and I can see you are not ready to be a lamp bearer, messenger of peace.

Madam Chair, no be you talk say, las las them go be fine?

But Che, these two factions have their chairmanship zoned to the South East. Can’t they come together and harmonize? Otu Oka Iwu can help them. They should trade posts and unify the branch, after all it was tussle between them that brought this crisis and while two brothers fought to death, didn’t a stranger inherit their widows?

You mean non-igbos of South East will cash in?

This boy, I go tell you proverb, I go still interpret it for you? Which school you go self?

Madam Chair, na Sunday School.

Go tell them that I and my Lord the Chair, are not happy and they can only honor us by reconciling themselves. Tell Akpata that dividing my Branch is not the solution and we will visit him if he does. Ever since God gave Lucifer his own kingdom, there has been rebellion everywhere, with every prince wanting a kingdom of his own.
Had God dealt with him decisively and compelled him to recognize the sonship of Jesus, there would’ve been peace on earth.

But Madam chair the theologian! Let them who have ears, not bat ears on Aso rock, hear what Hauwa Shekarau, Madam Chair is saying.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *